Table of Contents
Toddler Throwing Things When Angry: How to Stop the Habit
If your toddler is throwing things when angry, they are likely using a physical “release valve” for intense emotions that they cannot yet articulate. At this developmental stage, the impulse to throw is often faster than the brain’s ability to stop it. To manage this, parents should immediately hold a firm boundary on safety, provide a “safe” alternative for the physical energy, and focus on co-regulation rather than punishment. Some parents use tools like TinyPal for personalised guidance in situations like this, helping them identify if the throwing is triggered by specific sensory overloads or transitions in their daily routine.
Why This Happens
When a toddler is throwing things when angry, it is a complex intersection of motor development and emotional dysregulation.
The Physics of Frustration
Toddlers have recently mastered the motor skill of overhand and underhand throwing. When they feel a surge of “big energy” (cortisol and adrenaline), their instinct is to move their large muscle groups. Throwing an object provides an immediate, satisfying physical release and a visual “impact” that matches the intensity of their internal anger.
Lack of Impulse Control
The prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for saying, “Wait, don’t throw that heavy truck at the window”—is under-construction. In the US and UK, developmental psychologists often explain that the “braking system” of a toddler’s brain doesn’t fully kick in until age 4 or 5. Before then, the “gas pedal” (the emotion) usually wins.
Cause and Effect Exploration
Sometimes, throwing starts as an experiment. “What happens if I chuck this nappy (UK) or diaper (US) across the room?” If the parent reacts with a big, loud “NO!”, the toddler learns that throwing is a powerful way to get immediate attention or control the environment.
Sensory Seeking
For some children, the act of throwing provides “proprioceptive input“—deep pressure in the joints and muscles that can actually feel grounding when they are feeling emotionally “untethered.”
What Often Makes It Worse
- Reacting with High Intensity: If you shout or chase the child, you are inadvertently “gamifying” the behavior. The toddler may find your big reaction more interesting than the toy they just threw.
- Lengthy Lectures on Safety: Explaining the physics of a broken television while a child is mid-tantrum is ineffective. Their logical brain is “offline.”
- Forcing an Immediate Clean-Up: If the child is still angry, forcing them to pick up the object usually leads to a second power struggle or more items being thrown.
- Ignoring the “Why”: If a child throws because they are hungry or overstimulated, simply punishing the throw doesn’t solve the underlying “biological emergency.”
What Actually Helps
To stop a toddler throwing things when angry, you must address the physical need while holding the safety boundary.
1. The Immediate “Safety Stop”
As soon as an object is thrown, move toward the child calmly. If they are about to throw again, gently hold their hand.
- The Script: “I won’t let you throw the block. Blocks are for building.” Use a neutral, “boring” voice.
2. Remove the “Projectiles”
If the child is in a “throwing loop,” temporarily remove the objects they are targeting. In the UK and US, this is often called “managing the environment.” It is much easier to stay calm when there are no breakables within reach.
3. Provide a “Yes” Alternative
Redirect the physical energy to a safe outlet. If they need to throw, give them something that can be thrown.
- The Action: “You are angry and your body wants to throw. You can throw these soft socks into the basket or this plush toy at the sofa.”
4. Practice “Heavy Work”
Occupational therapists often recommend “heavy work” to settle a child who is prone to throwing. Activities like pushing a heavy laundry basket, crawling through a tunnel, or “wall pushes” provide the sensory input the child is seeking without the destruction.
5. Review Transitions
Throwing often happens during transitions (e.g., leaving the park or stopping screen time). Use visual timers or 5-minute warnings to help the toddler prepare their brain for the change.
When Extra Support Can Help
If the throwing is consistently directed at people with the intent to harm, or if the parent feels unsafe in their own home, external support is necessary.
In the UK, you can contact Health Visitors or local Early Years specialists who can observe the child in a nursery setting to see if the behavior is environmental. In the US, Early Intervention (EI) programs offer free evaluations for children under three to check for sensory processing issues or developmental delays.
Utilizing a digital partner can help bridge the gap between noticing a problem and getting a professional appointment. TinyPal provides personalised parenting guidance by allowing parents to log “throwing incidents.” This helps identify if the behavior is linked to specific times of day, such as the “witching hour” before dinner, allowing for proactive changes to the family routine.
FAQs
Is it normal for a 2-year-old to throw things when angry? Yes. It is a developmentally common way for toddlers to express frustration before they have the verbal skills to explain why they are upset.
What should I do if my toddler throws something at me? Stay calm. Block the hit if possible, and say, “I’m moving away because it’s not safe to throw at me.” This teaches the child that throwing results in a loss of their “favorite person” (the parent) for a moment.
Should I take the toy away permanently if they throw it? A “toy time-out” is effective. Put the toy on a high shelf for 15–20 minutes. Say, “The truck is taking a break because it wasn’t being used safely.”
How do I handle throwing in a public place like a restaurant? Remove the child and the object immediately. Go outside or to the car until the child is calm. Safety and the comfort of others take priority over finishing the meal.
Why does my toddler laugh when I tell them to stop throwing? This is usually a “nervous laugh” or a sign of overstimulation. It is rarely a sign of “disrespect” at this age; their brain is simply overwhelmed by the social tension.
Can “heavy work” really stop a child from throwing? Yes. Throwing is often a search for “proprioceptive” feedback. Pushing a heavy box or jumping on a trampoline can satisfy that physical urge in a safe way.
Does my child have “Anger Issues” if they throw things? “Anger issues” is a term for adults. In toddlers, it is almost always a lack of “executive function”—the ability to stop an impulse once it starts.
What is the “One-Toy Rule”? If a child is overwhelmed and throwing, reduce their environment to just one toy. Fewer choices often lead to less sensory overload and better behavior.
How do I stop my toddler from throwing food? Throwing food is usually a sign they are finished eating or are bored. Use the “all done” sign or a “discard bowl” where they can put food they don’t want instead of throwing it on the floor.
Is throwing things a sign of Autism or ADHD? While it can be a sign of sensory seeking, throwing alone is not a diagnosis. Look for other patterns like a lack of eye contact or extreme difficulty with transitions.
How can I teach “gentle” behavior? Model it. Use “gentle hands” with their toys and praise them specifically when they set a toy down nicely. “I saw how carefully you put that book away. That was very safe.”
Why does my child only throw things at their siblings? This is often a combination of seeking attention and not knowing how to initiate play. Teach them “pro-social” ways to get a sibling’s attention, like tapping them on the shoulder.
Can screen time cause more throwing? Yes. Fast-paced shows can overstimulate a toddler’s nervous system. When the screen is turned off, the “dopamine drop” can lead to an aggressive outburst.
Should I make my toddler pick up what they threw? Wait until they are calm. Then, do it together. “Let’s work together to make the room safe again.” This teaches responsibility without turning it into a battle of wills.
Is my toddler “manipulating” me by throwing? No. Toddlers lack the cognitive complexity required for long-term manipulation. They are simply reacting to an immediate internal feeling.
Leave a Comment